Today, I am looking forward to Christmas. Last night at church, our pastor talked about the wonder and beauty that God came down here, not as a grouchy, yelling parent - but as one of us, so he could relate to us on our level. He talked about wonder - involuntary praise - and I realized that for all the down times I have, even those small moments of wonder add up. I look in wonder - when I'm not looking in horror! - at my children, at the ways my hubby supports me, at my family and friends, even at the unsigned card I received in the mail telling me that God does love me, and He cares about me.
Christmas is all about God coming to us, and I am in wonder at the momentous idea of His love and wisdom.
I've also been working on crafts this week - cutting, sewing with my daughter; baking a little bit, shopping - all things I usually enjoy. I'm slowly trying to pay healthy attention to myself so I can pay healthy attention to those around me.
I'm looking forward to using my parents' exercise machine when I'm at their house for a week.
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister and her family, to squeezing my niece and nephew, to having us all together again at my parents' house.
I'm even looking forward to post-Christmas, which means a big transition for our family as we sign our two oldest kids up for school. Everyone tells me this will change things for me in a great, even wondrous, way, so I'm looking forward to getting the process going.
I'm looking forward to getting healthy, to getting my mind healthy, to growing closer to Jesus and learning to love Him more.
So I guess, this is a time of looking forward for me, a time of hope, a time of renewal. And it reminds me - I love the wonder of Christmas, and I love the wonder of all the little miracles that happen every day.