Looking Forward!

Today, I am looking forward to Christmas. Last night at church, our pastor talked about the wonder and beauty that God came down here, not as a grouchy, yelling parent - but as one of us, so he could relate to us on our level. He talked about wonder - involuntary praise - and I realized that for all the down times I have, even those small moments of wonder add up. I look in wonder - when I'm not looking in horror! - at my children, at the ways my hubby supports me, at my family and friends, even at the unsigned card I received in the mail telling me that God does love me, and He cares about me.
Christmas is all about God coming to us, and I am in wonder at the momentous idea of His love and wisdom.

I've also been working on crafts this week - cutting, sewing with my daughter; baking a little bit, shopping - all things I usually enjoy. I'm slowly trying to pay healthy attention to myself so I can pay healthy attention to those around me.

I'm looking forward to using my parents' exercise machine when I'm at their house for a week.

I'm looking forward to seeing my sister and her family, to squeezing my niece and nephew, to having us all together again at my parents' house.

I'm even looking forward to post-Christmas, which means a big transition for our family as we sign our two oldest kids up for school. Everyone tells me this will change things for me in a great, even wondrous, way, so I'm looking forward to getting the process going.

I'm looking forward to getting healthy, to getting my mind healthy, to growing closer to Jesus and learning to love Him more.

So I guess, this is a time of looking forward for me, a time of hope, a time of renewal. And it reminds me - I love the wonder of Christmas, and I love the wonder of all the little miracles that happen every day.

The Breath of God

Just sitting here thinking about the breath of God and how all-encompassing it is in our lives. My deepest desire is to be filled with the breath of God. I am, quite literally, and have been since my very formation as a person. That in itself is wondrous enough. I am amazed that it was His breath that swooshed into me, giving life to my bones and causing me to be me. And now, I'm realizing that the stagnation I feel in life, the feeling of suffocation and life-drainage, is directly related to whether or not I'm still allowing Him to breathe life into my spiritual bones, allowing me to be me - the me He created me to be. His Word is alive and active - which means it's alive for me and in me, as long as I seek Him there. So please, Lord, breathe new life into me. And as I seek You in Your Word, meet me. Allow me to find You and in turn, reveal you to those around me.

Embracing vs Resisting

My hubby woke me up at six thirty this morning. Normally, that would start my day off on a bad foot, but today, it was different. It was quiet. No kids. Just him and I. Cereal and coffee. Not much conversation. Did I mention no yelling children? The peace I feel as he's gone to work and it's just me here, reflecting on my life with the Lord, is a symbol to me of what happens when I embrace the very thing I've been resisting.

Ryan's always telling me - get up before the kids. I've heard it from so many people. But I never do it, cuz in my mind, it equals hardship. But this morning has brought me peace. So as I sit here, the Lord is showing me that often the things I resist, I might want to think of embracing instead. What if the things I'm resisting would not limit me, but would instead free me to enjoy life more fully? Schedules, responsibility, cleaning, quality time with the kids, positive thoughts. The list goes on and on for me. And I find myself resisting even adding to such a load. But isn't that the point? Examine myself. Find the resistance. And fight it by embracing the very things I push away.

It's worth a shot.

What is that feeling?

Why the feeling of dread when it comes to responsibility???? Wish I could make my mind obey and think outrageously positive thoughts all the time. Responsibility feels like Monday to me . . . not quite ready to embrace it but you know you gotta take care of it 'cuz it's coming no matter what! If only I would jump in joyfully! Here we go!

Dolphins

I saw hundreds of dolphins today. And it was absolutely amazing. One even jumped for me!

So . . .

Last night, a friend put words to what I've been feeling lately - burnt out. I didn't really consider that until she said it, but it rings true in my spirit. I feel burnt out - like I have everything to do and nothing to offer. So much to get in order yet no gusto to get it done. Everything before me - but no motivation to pick it up and run with it. So . . .

What happens next? How do you revive a fire that feels as though it's dying down? What is the kindling? My heart knows it's to dive into the Word. So I will. And hopefully, as I read, God will breathe the life of His Word into the embers of my Spirit, and I will come alive again. 

Someday

i just started reading a book about "someday." you know the word - "someday, i'm gonna go on that trip." "someday, i'll get to that project." "someday, i'll relax and roll with the punches." "someday, someday. someday."

i'm constantly rattling off the "someday" conversation in my head. there's always something to do, and my time will forever be spread out over a million different daily obligations. i just can't seem to get to everything, so i push it off, hoping that somehow, someday, i'll get my act together and my life will be perfectly organized and productive. but if i always live with "someday," will i ever enjoy today?

i need to just step back. take a breath. and live in today. this is the day i have been given.

maybe someday i'll stop blaming myself for putting things off until "someday."